Shia LaBeouf Is A Big Pussy

So, there’s some dumbass video online of Shia LaBeouf at some party where he and his friend have one of those straight guy penis contests that breeder dudes do when they’re drunk and feeling like they have to weigh each other’s balls. As I’ve often said,they should just get naked and work out the subtext.

A drunken Shia refers to his pal as “fag” and “dawg” and tries to goad him into slapping him.

And “dawg?” What the-? Shut the f*ck up, Shia LaBeouf! It’s “brah”, you idiot! You can’t even male bond correctly!

This is the lamest thing I have seen committed to film since the MTV Movie Awards this year. Here’s why. I have been to these kinds of parties and J. Harvey has straight guy friends who do this shit. And the friends I have make these dicks look like old ladies having a wheechair fight at bingo. The guys I know PUNCH each other in the face.! What is this SLAP thing? The game is called “Ace Ace Punch In The Face” and it used to be played with cards and whoever drew the ace got a fist in the jaw. Then people merely discarded the aces, and just began getting drunk and hitting each other. That’s how it’s done. Christ, watch the beginning of Thirteen. Even Evan Rachel Wood knows how it’s done and is tougher than you, you dumb bitch.

When I viewed the video of this sad occasion, the gay part of me wanted to rail on Shia for using the word “faggot” when he’s slapfighting another man and the straight guy part of me (.35%) wanted to call him a pussy for the very same reason. If you’re going to have a biggest dick contest, be a man about it!

Photos: BauerGriffinOnline